Jameson Wilds

I stand here, yelling and screaming.
My face flushed with anger and hate.
I scream “I fucking hate you!” as tears run down my face.
I can’t stand to look at you but I can’t ever leave you.
I scream “You’re always ruining my life!”
All you do is look at me with no words of your own.
I want to punch, kick, slap and beat you.
I want to tear myself away from you and all that you are.
Your lies, your deceit, your fears, your self-loathing, your torment and your judgement.
They all come with heavy prices that I have to pay and I’ve paid in blood.
I scream at you “I wish you would just fucking die!”
And you still have nothing to say.
I want to see that there’s feeling in your eyes and not just a cold and callus stare.
I want you to acknowledge…

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Mr Heart Doc

Mr Heart Doc

Won’t you write me a prescript

Numb the heartache

When will it stop


The lingering pain

Has been 2000 days

Isn’t it time

Mr Heart Doc






Mr Heart Doc


I think many can relate to this, for me it is a daily battle

In your eyes

In your eyes I stand accused

Quilty without trial the problem

You’re better without

No more messy feelings smashing things

Anger difficult emotions tidied away

Under lock and key


Misunderstood Disregarded

I just wanted to be seen and heard

A hurt little girl needing reassurance

Even if the sky tumbles the Earth crumbles

You not abandon me to insanity despair

I didn’t need you to understand

Just be there hold my hand




Why can’t we simply be us

Why do people always want

you to be someone else

someone you are not

to put on a mask like them

one for each occasion

play the game of lies array

the winner takes it all

so many falsehoods told

they don’t know

who they are anymore


Being true and real

the lone voice in the crowd

threatens them

so they trample you

strangle your spirit

but I will be me

I don’t know how

to be someone else

someone I am not

I don’t want to be

I only know how

to be me

I like being me

At least I am not fake

No mask to take off before bed

Struggling to remember

which to put on for when and whom

You cannot kill my spirit

Change my essence

You may call the shots

outwardly be successful and rich

wear pretty dresses and immaculately made up

have youth and beauty on your side

know how to put on a good show

but you are just an act

inside you are shallow and hollw

You cannot make me feel bad

I won’t let you

As Eleanor Roosevelt said

No one can make you feel inferior

without your consent

I refuse to play the game

Read your lines

Use your props

Be the sidekick of your double act

I quit

Self Respect

Guys good news and bad news.  Good news is Mama G is back.  Bad news is she quit her job of 3 weeks.  Even Obama has to be polite to his staff. 

Due to past experience I just don’t take no crap no more because I have learnt self respect.  It is better that I resign before they sack me.  I could see the writing on the wall when the manager’s ‘friend’ appeared to observe lessons on 2 consecutive days and then there was a long chat behind glass doors, otherwise known as an ‘interview’. 

I guess I could have made them give me a month’ notice and have more of a buffer to pay the rent etc but you know what, life is too short to take shit.  So it is back to putting up an ad on the local supermarket customer notice board.

But when I got into that taxi with all my stuff I felt such relief, it was like I could breathe again.  The same kind of freedom I felt when I received my decree absolute and realised that I had been living with a control freak for years.  What prisoners must feel when they walk out of jail.

I am proud of myself.  I know I have finally grown up. Before I would have beaten myself up and got depressed again, telling myself, yet another failure to add to the growing list.  But no, I refuse.  I gave it a go, I tried my best.  It didn’t work out.  I am not going waste time and brain cells to analyse why.  Move on.  Tomorrow is another day.

Today is a gorgeous sunny day and not too hot or humid, just a pleasant user friendly 24 degrees celsius.  I get to finally spend time with Cleo.  We have missed each other in equal measure.  I don’t have to be exhausted all the time and rushing around everywhere like a headless chicken.  I get time to vent on my blog, check out what my friends are up to on facebook and fit in my facials and massage at a godly hour.  And meet up with friends.

Yes, life is good.  I have finally learn to love myself. 



Moments real imagined

Fleeting etched in my heart

Two ships passing in the night

Left me broken

Message in a bottle reaches you not

Headed to shore the other way

Stranded on a desert island of my own making

waiting longing for moments that will never return



welcome to the real world

l have truly infiltrated the world of HK by joining the bleary eyed commuters, limbs contorted, being delivered with efficient speed to the place of work for yet another 10 hour stint. Pay low, hours long, 6 days a week is the norm.  Like The Almighty the labour force gets to rest on the seventh

How long I will last l don’t know.

AWOL Again

Guys just to let you know l won’t be posting for a while till I get used to the new job. lt’s going really well, just what the doctor ordered but tiring and challenging. The rusty brian is having to work overtime 

losing it all you find what’s real

left with no choice you stumble upon the exit

the strong crumbles the weak stand tall

finally traverse the wall

kicked out of jail and soar


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