Letter to Mama

Mama if there is a Heaven I’m sure that’s where you are.  You believed in one and that’s what matters.

The days following your passing have been glorious and I gazed up into the blue skies and see you smiling down on us.  I am in a far better place, don’t be sad, no more pain, tears or disappointment.

Yet the world feels empty and life meaningless; I see people rushing around stressed out chasing the illusive penny worrying about mortgages, bills, relationships, work and kids.  All that seems peripheral, trivial and of pales into insignificance.  My mama is gone; from my conception, the very beginning of my human existence growing in your womb to my first gasp of breath in this world, my childhood in Chek Lai Peng to settling in London, primary, secondary, O levels, A levels, university, teacher training, marriage, birth of my daughter, masters, cancer, recurrence, separation, divorce, getting back on my feet.  You were there every step of the way keeping an eye giving me your blessing sharing my tears one broken hearted woman to another.

I didn’t give you enough credit; I thought you never knew me, you would never understand, so I never confided in you.  But you were wise beyond measure and you taught me what unconditional love and true strength are in action not in empty talk.

I don’t want to talk to you just in the past tense for your spirit and love will live on through your children, grandchildren and great grandchildren and when they have children too.  Forever until the world ends.  Your heart may have stopped beating and your brain shut down and I will never hear your voice or see you smile but your soul has left the worn out shell and you are truly free.

The living must carry on living.  You would want that.  Nothing would make you happier than to see us all flourish, make something of ourselves and our lives; above all to be happy and healthy.

So I wipe my tears, give you a good sendoff, accompany you on your final journey and laid you to rest back into the earth.  Ashes to ashes dust to dust, from nature you came and back to nature you return.  Organic you were always a genuine, authentic, real person, nothing fake.  You were who you said you were and we love you.

I won’t say Rest In Peace but Mama Go Well In Your Final Journey.

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About cho wan yau

Teacher by day poet/writer by night. Words have been my first love and will be my last. As a child I locked myself into the toilet devouring books which transported me to distant lands. Poetry shared penned from 2009-2010 in a titanic struggle to stay sane at Heartbreak Hotel. Please check it out on chowanyau@wordpress.com. Any comments or feedback welcome. Why not share your story with me, because we all have one, don't we?

Posted on November 2, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. This letter is very moving. “Mama” is the sweetest word. You write with such purity. Thank you for sharing your loss and let us see how real, how genuine, and how loving your Mama was and is, and how sweetly she will be remembered.

    • Thanks she is a very special loving wise forgiving lady. I don’t want to say ‘was’ because I feel her love still and she is still guarding her family like she always did.

  2. My heart breaks for you, but from this distance, I walk with you.

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