Shiny new life
Have confirmed return ticket for the 21st of this month to land in HK the next day early evening. Ankle is healing slowly but not quite there yet as I still feel a slight ache when I walk, especially with the supportive boot off. Physio tomorrow and today my eldest sister and brother in law are taking me out for a farewell meal.
My shiny new life which was abruptly and rudely interrupted awaits me 6,000 miles the other side of the world in the Peal of the Orient. I’d only been there 5 months and was slowly but surely getting over the culture shock and the maniac pace of life when a flying visit was prolonged by a broken ankle, Mama’s fall and sadly her passing.
Mixed feelings about my return. Will I find it as hard to adjust as I did in April or would the diving in the deep end have paved my way? A part of me can’t wait to get on that flight and be on my way especially as I have paid for extra leg room and have started taking aspirin to thin my blood to lower the risk of thrombosis especially with the broken ankle which has had less movement than usual. Whether the doctor advises me to fly or not I’m off. A planned 3 week visit has turned into a 3 month one but everything happens for a reason. If not for the ankle I wouldn’t have been there for Mama in the hospital and had that precious two weeks together and if I had been cleared to fly on the 21st of last month I wouldn’t have been there when she took her last breath and I would have had to fly back again for the funeral.
But now it feels it is time to go home, to the new life I worked hard at creating and looking forward to what the future holds. Most of all I have missed my own space and being alone. The trials of the past few years have taught me that it is ok to be on your own and you can be truly happy and self sufficient. Sometimes I get the feeling when I am eating out either in London or Hong Kong that the staff or other diners pity me and that did bother me but not anymore. I have learned to enjoy my own company where no compromise or negotiation is required. I can do what I like, when I like or not as I please. The sense of freedom is tremendous. What really liberated me from the usual mindfucks is believing that being me is ok, warts and all. Not putting myself down, not feeling I have to apologise for being me, have to justify my every action words thoughts, not being my own worse enemy and beating myself up over the slightest mistake or perceived failure. Forgiving myself for not being perfect. Most of all not allowing what others think and say to get to me to the extent that it destroys me or makes me depressed. Realising what they think doesn’t define me or make it true; it is just their opinion and I don’t have to allow it to hurt me. It is probably more to do with their own issues than me.
I’ll keep you updated on how the shiny new life turns out.