Be careful what you wish for

Be careful what you wish for because it may just come true.  My dream came true, a husband, a baby, a house, two cars, two cats and even two pygmy goats into the bargain.  The latter was my ex’s idea.  I’ve never been a high flier or a career driven person; what I craved was my own little happy family and to give my child the best childhood which I was deprived.  That is the ideal and if the husband part, you know, loving, supportive, emotionally available, respectful then it would have been perfect. 

Sometimes we mourn our loss to the point that we can no longer function properly in normal life, as in my case, yet fail to recognise that what we had wasn’t all that fantastic.  Maybe, just maybe, not having it anymore is a blessing in disguise.  Perhaps the person who hurt you and betrayed your trust did you a favour inadvertently and released you to live a freer and happier life.

I used to be a black and white person; it is either right or wrong, there is no grey area, truth is truth, absolutes exist.  I hated pastal colours because to me they were wishy washy.  I needed things to be definite, either this or that.  If there is one thing I have learnt is that there is no absolute and there is no TRUTH per se.  It is all open to interpretation and influenced  by your own experiences and personality.  Even brought up in the same family, my experience of my childhood is very different from my sister’s as her asthma meant she got all the attention. 

Everybody wants to be wanted and loved but I feel we need to be needed too.  It gives us a sense of purpose.  I guess that is why some who retire get depressed and experience a loss of identity and meaning.  The empty nest syndrome too. 

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About cho wan yau

Teacher by day poet/writer by night. Words have been my first love and will be my last. As a child I locked myself into the toilet devouring books which transported me to distant lands. Poetry shared penned from 2009-2010 in a titanic struggle to stay sane at Heartbreak Hotel. Please check it out on chowanyau@wordpress.com. Any comments or feedback welcome. Why not share your story with me, because we all have one, don't we?

Posted on December 14, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Your words could not be more true, Also your words speak so profoundly..

  2. As I’ve said before, I find it fascinating how far you’ve come and that you’re actually able to SEE that what you had before wasn’t “all that fantastic”.
    There are those who are the other way around you know, who even years after a breakup/divorce realize that they lost something so precious – a valuable hand that they’d never again be dealt.
    You’re actually pretty lucky to have this realization.

    As always, in my case, I seem to still be remembering all the good things, all the wonderful memories that I KNOW will stay in my mind forever I suppose… but I wonder if years from now I’d be able to accept things the way you have now, and will I be thinking it was something great that I lost, or will I be thinking like you are, that it was a blessing in disguise to walk away as I did?

    P.S. Surely you must have gone through the stages of terrible grief and not being able to let go, that I’m going through now. I wonder if it wouldn’t help me if you wrote a bit about that… unless it would drag up too many painful memories?

    • jade letting go of a relationship that no longer makes you happy or is healthy does not mean you don’t hold onto the good. In my marriage when it was good it was fabulous and when it was bad it was hell.

      Of course it was extremely painful and traumatic and affected every aspect of my life and forced our daughter to grow up fast.

      I mourn the loss of a dream but not the reality. I will post some poems i wrote at the time and the pain is palpable,especially ‘death of a marriage ‘.

    • Of course I did. Five years ago I was on the verge of s a. nervous breakdown. I walked away from everything after the only man I ever loved announced our marriage was over. No longer able to turn a blind eye to the writing on the wall which had been screaming for some time.

    • Sure thing I’ll post some stuff I wrote at the time and the pain was palpable

  3. Each time I read your posts, I see that you have gained even more wisdom. In the depths of despair – in the darkness – is when we look for the light. This might help with the loss of your Mom: http://soulgatherings.wordpress.com/2013/12/09/love-gratitude/

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