Beware the person who means well

I try to avoid like the plague the person who means well but it is virtually impossible if they are family or a close friend.  They do not tire in pointing out the error of your ways, how what you feel and perceive is incorrect.  They do their utmost to cheer you up, admonish for not being optimistic, positive and upbeat at all times even as you are waiting to be pushed away to the operating theatre and worried if you are going to come out alive.  Even when you are abandoned to your own devices during chemotherapy, losing your hair, though you have never been a vain person, you were rather attached to your hair and incidentally your left boob and good health.  You should keep the stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on and not utter a word of anger, resentment, self pity when after the superhuman effort of recovering after all the gruesome treatment your husband chooses that moment to announce he doesn’t love you anymore, he hasn’t for the last three years.  You have been made to live a lie but hey never mind, keep smiling, the glass is always half full.

I bet you my meagre savings that these well meaning know it alls have never had cancer and had their life hang in the balance, no, not even the once.  I bet they are still happily married well if not happily then still married and have their family intact and am not dreading spending every Christmas, birthday, wedding anniversary alone, crying into their stoic cup of tea.  I bet they are not anxious about making ends meet but are just keeping a close eye on their stocks and shares and other investments.

Why are they the most dangerous people to be avoided at all costs if at all possible?  Because they mean well and you know it you feel guilty if you are rude and rebuff their good intentions.  After all they are saying this or being insensitive or over-powering for your own good.  They are not evil or bad, no on the contrary they have a heart of gold, they just insist on being right all the time and having the last word.  They want you to be their clone and to limit your freedom of thought and perception of the world and how you feel.

With the downright rude and nasties you can just show them the door but with these well meaning folks one has to be more devious and diplomatic.  Whilst appreciating their good intentions and maybe cleverly agreeing with them for an easy life, one could just carry on regardless in one’s misguided ways.  Win win?!

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About cho wan yau

Teacher by day poet/writer by night. Words have been my first love and will be my last. As a child I locked myself into the toilet devouring books which transported me to distant lands. Poetry shared penned from 2009-2010 in a titanic struggle to stay sane at Heartbreak Hotel. Please check it out on chowanyau@wordpress.com. Any comments or feedback welcome. Why not share your story with me, because we all have one, don't we?

Posted on December 27, 2013, in Relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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