Nobility in suffering?

Nobility in suffering?  Really?  There is a school of thought that promotes suffering as a great thing which acclerates our personal growth and makes us better and tougher.  Our scars are battle wounds are trophies of which we can be proud and a badge of honour.

I have a friend bound to a wheelchair who is a believer in this philosophy.  An accident at 15 left her unable to walk and now in her early 60’s she devotes all her time to charitable causes and making others lives a little easier.  I admire her spirit and positivity and this newfound purpose she attributes firmly to Christ, who was introduced to her after the accident.

She would go as far as to say that given a choice she would be wheelchair bound again as otherwise she may still be an unbeliever now.  Wow that is quite a claim.  I am not sure I could honestly come out with such a statement, graciously accepting past suffering and even being grateful.

Would I have cancer again?  Hell no.  I’d rather not be lopsided with one boob and not being able to leave home without my loyal prothesis which I have to stuff in my bra.  It actually weighs quite a bit, you know.  I can’t wear bikinis revealing scars, testament to not one but two operations.  I could never sunbathe topless in the Med, or any beach for that matter.  And if I ever got serious with a guy I’d have to come clean and confess all.  So they know they are getting ‘damaged’ goods, not quite the full package.

Cancer, Depression, Divorce, the three curses of my life:  I am not convinced they have made me a better person.  I was already a good and empathetic kinda gal.  I don’t think it has made me any more compassionate.

And the degree of suffering and the timing were a bit close to call.  Whoever planned that as a Life Lesson should be sacked with immediate effect.

Has it made me into a stronger person.  Yes I concede.  But then I had no choice.  The flip side I am in danger of becoming bitter and paranoid, suspicious of any hand of friendship offered for fear of ulterior motives and that is not a good place to be.

I read a quote on fb which was derisive of people who caused drama in their lives and that they deserved their karma.  I feel that is unfair.  You know sometimes drama descends on us like a punch in the face and we neither caused nor chose it.  I would love to have a quiet life, drama free …  If you have a direct line to Him/Her Up There, could you please take pity and have a word.  Thanks in advance.


About cho wan yau

Teacher by day poet/writer by night. Words have been my first love and will be my last. As a child I locked myself into the toilet devouring books which transported me to distant lands. Poetry shared penned from 2009-2010 in a titanic struggle to stay sane at Heartbreak Hotel. Please check it out on Any comments or feedback welcome. Why not share your story with me, because we all have one, don't we?

Posted on January 12, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. That’s quite a friend you have, lady.

  2. Yep she’s like a saint, a Chinese Mother Teresa and she’s been looking out for me; the astonishing thing is she is illiterate but it doesn’t seem to be an obstacle. She has a friend who only speaks English also wheelchair bound and involved in charity work and she phones me up to interpret. Or she’ll ask me to write down addresses for her in case she forgets. I am like her PA, ha ha.

  3. Dear friend, Thank you very much, I was really happy to have been following your blog. I’m still a lot to figure out, and here I can only say that you are an awesome blogger, full Inspiring and hope you can inspire more readers. Thanks and greetings compassion from Gede Prama 🙂

    • You are so kind, you are obviously a master at compassion. I am honoured you are following my blog. I really like your post on using anger as a lantern; it is something I am dealing with, angry at the things that happened to me through no fault of my own, especially being rejected and abandoned by my husband, whom I loved and trusted deeply has left a bottomless wound which I don’t know will ever heal. The pain lessens over time but lurks like a guest who has overstayed his welcome but can’t be evicted because it is a close family member.

      How do I even begin to heal the wound and recover?

  4. “Whoever planned that as a Life Lesson … ” 🙂

  5. My nature is very competitive, thanks to my father who recently died. One of the legacies that he left me was where you did not let your enemy win the eventual victory. It was hard when I came to realise that my enemy was the man I married.

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