Category Archives: coping with break ups

Wish

Wish

I could bottle pain

watch it sail away

capture sadness

let it soar

gather disappointment

see it burn

seek selective amnesia

sieve away the bad

rationalise persuade

erase

yet in the core of my very being

the dull aches keeps throbbing

robbied fobbed off

powerless defenceless

for being mere human

failing to live up to expectations

imperfect flawed unworthy

Wish

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Still

Still I believe in Love

in her power to heal

kiss better the gaping

wound savaged by barbed

wire twisted knife deep into

the core of my being i never

knew a heart could break

literally but i felt it crack

when you would not look

me in the eye

Still I do not regret our Love

I hold onto the good

No one can take the memories

Our yesterdays shared history

No not even you

Nor the ending

Or your I don’t care fuck

Still I believe in Love

Poem a day challenge #16 Mirror

Mirror mirror on the wall

    who’s the saddest of us all

Mirror mirror on the wall

whose reflection

unrecognisable 

blank stare

dead eyes

corpse like

     hint of familiarity 

souless

Mirror mirror on the wall

who’s the loneliest of us all

Poem a day challenge #15 Opposites

Tasted delicious euphoria deep deep sorrow

surrounded friends family weary body soul dragging

scaled Mt. Optimism all I wanna is to die blessed relief

beautiful smiling bride bitter divorcee

essential part of happy family thrown out with the trash recycling not required

jonathon livingston seagull soaring free crashed spectacularly wing lopsided grounded

licking wound gazing longingly up

will she ever fly again

scale the heights of delight

look down upon

world of goodness

restore faith in humanity

just a blip unlucky

gonna be ok kid

One day you’re gonna fly high high above the clouds

leave the sorrow behind

healed

Poem a day challenge#14 finale

Bow out not to standing ovation Mexican
wave one hand clapping mine grim darkness no
spotlight following illuminating hate endings good
byes slip away unnoticed eerie hollow echoing
silence sad hurting sabotage what I am best at
crush what’s good fear love unworthy strange
phenomenon must acclimatise lack oxygen on
mountain top shit parents crap childhood don’t
cut it broken record even i am bored so hands
up screwed up me me alone all by myself no
accomplice accessory to crime I bear full
responsibility consequence yes I plead quilty
your honour the loss missing you hole in heart
but know cannot unwind rewind unsay undo
delete what is done is done work in progress
have long way to go but gotta start somewhere
somehow bow out to lights fading empty
stage sole shadow curtains
fall the finale

Different kinda pain

for me on this my 21st wedding anniversary

(thanks go to Andrew Urquhart, fellow blogger for suggesting the title)

 

feeling kinda blue wanna

     drown in the ocean of forgetfulness

resolutely slam that door full

speed ahead to infinity and

beyond

 

how come you can wave the

‘past’ goodbye with such

abandon glee no trace of

sadness sprinting  to embrace

future

 

Did it mean nothing to you

marriage me us our

love i was there for the

duration good bad ugly

absurd

 

Different kinda pain 

sixth year alone cross your

mind that summer’s day the

     eighth of eighth month

lucky

 

This time tears all

cried out no searing paralysing

jab just dull lingering ache

hunkers down to fight another

day

 

I will remember our happy 

union till last breath not

relegate to just another

day for it meant the world to

me

 

Different kinda pain

 

Shouldn’t but does

 
Shouldn’t but does
 
Shouldn’t bother me but
does you going off to Bulgaria
see a stranger you’ve fallen
in love with prepared to fly all those miles
hire a car other end
 
All these years I have been here 
next to you in bed on the couch
waiting yearning for
you to
communicate
acknowledge
validate my
existence worth sharing
yourself
want to know
who
I am
 
But
you
never did
 
Shouldn’t bother me but
does how you effortlessly
walked away from the past no lingering 
backward glance as if those eighteen years
never happened mattered
 
Are you a good actor
or you really don’t care
devoid of emotions just relieved
rid of irritating inconvenience
 
What does she offer that I
can’t
another delusion infatuation
 
You
may one day come to
your senses mourn the
loss of one who
loved you without reservation
seek and find her
gone
 
For she
will have changed
stronger pain is an
effective teacher no
longer needs nor loves
you
 
Made her live a Lie
crucified everything
she
believed
valued
 
Shouldn’t bother but 
does
you
 
         
 

melancholy

Gorgeous is a little melancholic today, suddening realising that this day 21 years ago she was a beautiful bride in plum silk cheung sam sitting on the love of her life’s knee to take their wedding photo.  It was the  best day of her life followed closely by that early morning half a year later when her beautiful baby came into this world.  Her angel and shining light.  She was beaming from deep within and so was he.

Alas the fairy tale didn’t last; the princess turned into a middle aged cancer survivor/divorcee living with depression and nursing a broken heart literally and emotionally.  Rejection has hit her hard, to the very core of her being and she has had to dig deep, grit her teeth and go on.

Out of body (3)

 
Pungent overwhelming reeks of decay
the decomposing hollow eyed corpse lay
billy no mates in a dusty corner forgotten invisible but
for the army of maggots merrily tunnelling in and out the
cavities as if it was disneyland florida
 
She looking down wanted to scream
‘can’t you see me lying rotting away
at least have the decency to give me a proper burial
send off
don’t just trip over me and curse’
 
But deaf blind and dumb they ignored her
as if she was dead and
carried on with their lives
the father getting into more debt
the girl plotting to leave home
the worms crawling all over the screen
 
No wonder cats howled at full moon

loss (2)

like days blown by autumn leaves
swept by the breeze the pebble
sinking to the bottom of the sea
snow melting into the ground
memories edited distorted collected
full circle we have come nothing new
under the sun raging crashing waves
no hidden secret buried deep on the
ocean floor loss smiles beckons a
long lost friend reunited I embrace
thee cease be for you are the fabric
of life men come and go and stuff
what sifts through the giant colander
of time space is what’s worth
holding on family mates life itself
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