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melancholy

Gorgeous is a little melancholic today, suddening realising that this day 21 years ago she was a beautiful bride in plum silk cheung sam sitting on the love of her life’s knee to take their wedding photo.  It was the  best day of her life followed closely by that early morning half a year later when her beautiful baby came into this world.  Her angel and shining light.  She was beaming from deep within and so was he.

Alas the fairy tale didn’t last; the princess turned into a middle aged cancer survivor/divorcee living with depression and nursing a broken heart literally and emotionally.  Rejection has hit her hard, to the very core of her being and she has had to dig deep, grit her teeth and go on.

how

stopped asking why
futile
moved on to
how

everybody says move on let go
how

words are easy
meaningless

how
do you get all the pain out
forget the hurt accept loss
begin a new life not mourn the old

how
hold onto the good memories
not permit the end to taint
wring the last drop of love dry

how

Poem a day challenge#13 Agree to disagree

We could never agree to

disagree meet in the

middle now we don’t

meet at all

Pain (2)

 
Pain arrived in all shapes sizes by foot car on two wheels
Gathered round a circle physical emotional mental spiritual
We introduced ourselves spent the morning giving the respect due
 
It comes and goes like a regular with a loyalty card we spend
Christmas birthdays weddings funerals anniversaries together
and the nothing days I am afraid to over-identify cos then
you may like fish overstay your welcome and smell
 
Yet if I don’t make up the spare bed
you may turn against me increase the suffering
so like a difficult great-aunt I meet you at the station
wrap blankets round you sit you by the fire offer a hot mug of tea
feed you roast beef to appease and as the
light fades drug you with my finest Scot single malt
 
The best sages have taught us to embrace
what we can not change some things are simply
out of our control not what it seemed so
make peace with the demons in your head that dull ache in
your heart
 
take note of the baregnarled branches through the triangular
pane in the wooden ceiling the large french doors letting in light
beauty the garden full of life growing under the dark soil the
robin with the red breast a rare sight now perched on the
bird feed grounding me to Mother Earth to the rest of humanity in
their pain and joy I take a deep breath in out in out all comfy on
cushions with a blanket over me lying down eyes closed for a
moment I have been a negligent hostess
 
Pain departed in all shapes and sizes on foot by car on two wheels
back to their own lives physical emotional mental spiritual
same time again next week we meet to pay homage

Words

 
Like a samurai sword piercing to the core
murdering your reality tearing your security
blanket to shreds all you believed in sabotaged
with the suicide bomber yet hope flies
above circling refusing to abandon you grumpy
as hell licking your wounds rock rolled
firmly against the entrance curtains drawn
brave the man who dares storm the barricade

Hide and Seek

I looked for you in the wardrobe under the bed behind the curtains

I tried to read your expression gaze into the window of your soul

I worked hard at catching what you were saying reading between the lines

 

Figuring out what was left unsaid the silence that stood between us

But you hid always behind that iron mask you wore even to bed

So though you were here I never found you however hard I seek

 

I looked for you in the shower under the summer sun behind the trees

I tried to capture your soul essence what made you tick get up every day

I worked hard at peeping beyond the facade of charm all round good bloke

 

Figuring out why the barrage of criticism finger wagging put downs kept coming

But you remained stoic saintly silent resilient a martyr to the cause unwavering

So though you were here I never found you no matter where I seek

 

Can the real you stand up please

Where have you been hiding all these years

Cos I sure never found you

 

Like snow which melts away

Autumn leaves blown by the wind

The river flowing in to the sea

 

Like the days which will not return

Memories lodged in our mind’s eye

The wounded wings healed fly free

 

Can the real you stand up please

Where have you been all these years

Cos I sure never knew you

 

I looked for you in the wardrobe under the bed behind the curtains

I tried to read your expression gaze into the window of your soul

I worked hard at catching what you were saying reading between the lines

 

But I never found you

Though I loved you

With all my heart

 

Where have you been hiding

My Love

It’s time

It’s time

to dry the ravenous tears

wrap a cast around your pierced heart

crawl inch by inch if you must

but get off that damn floor

keep moving

that way you know you are

still alive

 

Stand up tall

head held high

dignity is all

 

Look the mirror in the eye

pay huge respect

fighter survivor tough old bird

dug deep against immeasurable odds

terrified abandoned

did what she had to and

go on

 

It’s time

to get back on that horse

reclaim your power force

repay the kindness of strangers

when you found yourself

in a dark place with

nowhere to go

 

Make sense of why you had to endure survive

recurrent depression

cancer twice

chemo-induced heart failure

 

You were meant to live

do some good

 

It’s time

 

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