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Be careful what you wish for

Be careful what you wish for because it may just come true.  My dream came true, a husband, a baby, a house, two cars, two cats and even two pygmy goats into the bargain.  The latter was my ex’s idea.  I’ve never been a high flier or a career driven person; what I craved was my own little happy family and to give my child the best childhood which I was deprived.  That is the ideal and if the husband part, you know, loving, supportive, emotionally available, respectful then it would have been perfect. 

Sometimes we mourn our loss to the point that we can no longer function properly in normal life, as in my case, yet fail to recognise that what we had wasn’t all that fantastic.  Maybe, just maybe, not having it anymore is a blessing in disguise.  Perhaps the person who hurt you and betrayed your trust did you a favour inadvertently and released you to live a freer and happier life.

I used to be a black and white person; it is either right or wrong, there is no grey area, truth is truth, absolutes exist.  I hated pastal colours because to me they were wishy washy.  I needed things to be definite, either this or that.  If there is one thing I have learnt is that there is no absolute and there is no TRUTH per se.  It is all open to interpretation and influenced  by your own experiences and personality.  Even brought up in the same family, my experience of my childhood is very different from my sister’s as her asthma meant she got all the attention. 

Everybody wants to be wanted and loved but I feel we need to be needed too.  It gives us a sense of purpose.  I guess that is why some who retire get depressed and experience a loss of identity and meaning.  The empty nest syndrome too. 

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