I read your posts full of anxiety, depression, loneliness, feeling unloved, misunderstood, unseen, unheard, unacknowledged, not validated, insignificant. You struggle to keep head above water, do daily battle with the demons in your head while outwardly you feign ‘normality’ and keep going. Attending school, doing your homework, working part time maybe, laughing and messing about with peers while inside you are dying and screaming for help. You really want to say, ‘I’m feeling shit, I’m not doing so well, I want to burrow deep under the duvet and never get up.’
When I taste and feel your pain and distress across cyberspace through the words on the screen my heart breaks a little. I wish I was there to give you an enormous hug and tell you it’s gonna be alright, you are going to be fine, hang in there kid. Hope there is always hope.
This is what I want to share with you. Like you I don’t have all the answers and I charge into battle keeping my demons at bay every second of the day: depression, negativity, hopelessness, self pity, helplessness, loneliness, not being good enough, not belonging, rejection … But I am older and wiser and I have been through an abnormal amount of shit in my half a century’s existence on planet Earth and so I would like to share with you the lessons learnt through pain and despair.
First and foremost be happy. Make a decision now this very second to be happy. Don’t instantly reject the idea, don’t think of all the excuses why you couldn’t possibly be, just be happy, as simple as that. I am not belittling all the obstacles and shit in your life but we all have problems. Nobody has an idyllic life problem and worry free. Nobody, not even the rich and famous. Look how many go into rehab or die from an overdose. The filthy rich worry they will lose all their money or that those who want to marry them are just after their wealth and not because of true love. They worry they’ll be robbed, kidnapped. They don’t know who they can trust. The poor struggled to make ends meet, working their socks off in some dead end mind numbing soul destroying minimum wage job.
Don’t compare yourself to others and think they have it all and am deliriously happy. Behind their contented facade they may be feeling just as if not more shit than you.
Life is too short, so live it to the full while you can. My dad has had diabetes since he was middle aged. Mum didn’t let him eat any sweet stuff which he loved and now he has suffered a major stroke and is paralysed from the neck down. He can’t swallow so eating is out of the question. Maybe he should eaten the stuff he craved when he could. Life is unpredictable; none of us have a crystal ball so do what you enjoy and will make you happy. With the proviso it doesn’t harm your body, isn’t illegal and won’t hurt others. Do no harm is a pretty good rule to live by and treat others the way you’d like to be treated. That is how I try to live my life and it works for me.
Be your own person, strive to be comfortable in your own skin. Perfection is unattainable and a delusion so don’t even try. We are all unique and by virtue of being human we are good enough and worthy of respect and love. You don’t have to try to be someone else, a better version, you are good enough being you. You don’t have to do anything, try harder, get better grades, be slimmer, more beautiful, have bigger breasts, perfect hair and complexion, fit bodies.
Life can be brutal, harsh, fraught with obstacles and shit but do try and seek out the good too. Nothing is all black and white, good or bad; identify the grey areas. it’s all about balance. Nobody’s life is all bad or all good and of course it varies at different points. The good news is the bad times though appearing hopeless will pass and things will get better. The good thing about having hit rock bottom is the only way is up. It can’t get worse, you have survived it so hang in there and be patient. Hope there is always hope and don’t ever lose it or give up.
The freedom you have even in the shittiest of times is to decide how to react. When you think you have your back against the wall you always have a choice. No choice is still a choice.
I hope this helps a little. I’d be interested in hearing what you think and for you to share your stories. Over and out Mama G.