Blog Archives

jigsaw

nothing fits some
times monsters invade
your head leave no 
space never take a fag
break
 
some times it all comes
together just like that the
good fairy has cast a 
spell it makes sense
 
you know what 
happened beginning
middle end the pieces
fit you can let go move
on
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melancholy

Gorgeous is a little melancholic today, suddening realising that this day 21 years ago she was a beautiful bride in plum silk cheung sam sitting on the love of her life’s knee to take their wedding photo.  It was the  best day of her life followed closely by that early morning half a year later when her beautiful baby came into this world.  Her angel and shining light.  She was beaming from deep within and so was he.

Alas the fairy tale didn’t last; the princess turned into a middle aged cancer survivor/divorcee living with depression and nursing a broken heart literally and emotionally.  Rejection has hit her hard, to the very core of her being and she has had to dig deep, grit her teeth and go on.

loss (2)

like days blown by autumn leaves
swept by the breeze the pebble
sinking to the bottom of the sea
snow melting into the ground
memories edited distorted collected
full circle we have come nothing new
under the sun raging crashing waves
no hidden secret buried deep on the
ocean floor loss smiles beckons a
long lost friend reunited I embrace
thee cease be for you are the fabric
of life men come and go and stuff
what sifts through the giant colander
of time space is what’s worth
holding on family mates life itself

how

stopped asking why
futile
moved on to
how

everybody says move on let go
how

words are easy
meaningless

how
do you get all the pain out
forget the hurt accept loss
begin a new life not mourn the old

how
hold onto the good memories
not permit the end to taint
wring the last drop of love dry

how

It’s time

It’s time

to dry the ravenous tears

wrap a cast around your pierced heart

crawl inch by inch if you must

but get off that damn floor

keep moving

that way you know you are

still alive

 

Stand up tall

head held high

dignity is all

 

Look the mirror in the eye

pay huge respect

fighter survivor tough old bird

dug deep against immeasurable odds

terrified abandoned

did what she had to and

go on

 

It’s time

to get back on that horse

reclaim your power force

repay the kindness of strangers

when you found yourself

in a dark place with

nowhere to go

 

Make sense of why you had to endure survive

recurrent depression

cancer twice

chemo-induced heart failure

 

You were meant to live

do some good

 

It’s time

 

Poem a day challenge#9 Healed

You know you are healed when

a day passes and ‘he’ never crossed your

mind even you are bored of hearing

your ‘story’ and you realise how loved that friends

family haven’t gone for your throat the trillionth

time how they must have been screaming

inside when you stop to look at the butterflies

fluttering above petals when you feel like

singing

swaying to the beat don’t care what you

eat

no matter how fat when

tears stop flowing at the slightest

unexpected act of kindness when

you 

don’t care what others think just

those you care about when you begin

to ‘love’ yourself some would call it

selfish I call it taking care of your needs

putting yourself first for a change when

you laugh from deep within notice the sky

blue birdsong hear the roar of the ocean

soothing your soul see the finish line flapping

beckoning

under the noon sun almost there babe,

few more baby steps and we touch

happiness release this broken

stray soaring heights

unlimited

free at last

Momentous decision

for my sister who never gave up on me

I’ve come to a momentous decision thanks to my best friend, Hazy Hay.  Like the divorce courts in UK I am adopting the ‘no blame’ policy.  relinquishing all anger, bitterness, resentment, sadness, disappointment, and feeling of loss. Why this dramatic change of heart?  Well I’m not the Iate Baroness Thatcher; this lady is very much for the turning and been working hard at it.  The wise Dalai Lama is right: it is foolish to make yourself ill from anger and be carted off to hospital while the ‘culprit’ is blissfully unaware.

If the truth be told my life is full of good things and there are more to come.  You see I’ve been waiting patiently in line outside Santa’s Grotto and finally it’s my turn.  Good things happen to good people, that is as it should be.  Here’s a short list of the good stuff in my life: beautiful loving daughter, mum, dad, sisters who love me to bits and spoil me the baby of the family, good reliable friends, caring acquaintances here with great potential to become friends, spacious, quiet home all to myself, free security from village dogs, fresh delicious food, all that I need and more, facials and massage, freedom of speech, movement, beliefs, not feeling an outsider, compassion from strangers, relative good health, able to use all the senses, all limbs intact and functioning albeit protesting with aches and pains …

frozen

Life Laundry

Loss

for Dee
Beethoven’s unfinished symphony ear of Van Gogh that
fav earring misplaced ne’er found
loss echoes resounds
whirling eddying pebble cast ripples profound
haunting waking sleepless nothing moments
taunting
Pain access all areas nil by mouth dulled once
razor sharp spiking drilling for oil soul’s ocean
secret depth buried treasure wreck core what
it means to be human suffering is all how to bear
with dignity hope till last drop wrung universal language
no phrasebook dictionary required tears UN interpreter
Mourn what I had childhood that ne’er was innocence
faith hope trust naivety ignorance is true bliss I envy
gift for head in sand a comforting safe place to
repose cease be
Like the days magical eagle soaring woman I was
aspired crispy Autumn leaves crunching beneath our feet
decaying crumbling merging whence it came moon waning
full crescent half eclipse tide rushing in out so I let go of
myriad loss that unfinished business called
life
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