Blog Archives

Unawares

Catch myself unawares

tears streaking wrinkled face

all that bravado

it doesn’t matter

be happy for others’ family reunions

unwrapping presents from under the tree

stuffing themselves with turkey and booze

a jolly good knees up

for she’s a jolly good fellow and so say all of us

I know drowning in self pity ain’t gonna do a damn thing

but rationalising ain’t working either

can’t seem to talk myself out of the hurt

buried so deep under piles of shit

strata upon strata upon strata

loss upon loss upon loss

not just losing your favouite earring

but those on the top of the list of the stress scale

this year of course there is the loss of Mama

the wave of grief suddenly has knocked me off balance

I am nostalgic for that family any family

yet reality smacks me in the face

what family get real stop day dreaming

just another day in paradise

now i know why the suicide rate shoots up

over the festive season

all this jollyness family bliss

kinda rubs it in huh if you are the Matchstick Girl

gazing enviously through the window

left out in the cold

what can you do

had to wipe away the tears

put on the game face

smile and carry on

what is the alternative

Different kinda pain

for me on this my 21st wedding anniversary

(thanks go to Andrew Urquhart, fellow blogger for suggesting the title)

 

feeling kinda blue wanna

     drown in the ocean of forgetfulness

resolutely slam that door full

speed ahead to infinity and

beyond

 

how come you can wave the

‘past’ goodbye with such

abandon glee no trace of

sadness sprinting  to embrace

future

 

Did it mean nothing to you

marriage me us our

love i was there for the

duration good bad ugly

absurd

 

Different kinda pain 

sixth year alone cross your

mind that summer’s day the

     eighth of eighth month

lucky

 

This time tears all

cried out no searing paralysing

jab just dull lingering ache

hunkers down to fight another

day

 

I will remember our happy 

union till last breath not

relegate to just another

day for it meant the world to

me

 

Different kinda pain

 

%d bloggers like this: