Loving yourself is lonely

I am sick and tired of people telling me to learn to love myself and to be positive.  It is hard enough to keep calm and carry on when shit keeps hitting the fan but to have to put a positive spin on it, smile and be grateful for whatever damn lesson it is supposed to be teaching you is a bit much.

Yes, yes, yes I hear you protest: you cannot love others or find true love unless you have learnt to love yourself.  But you know loving yourself is very lonely.  And most of the people who tell me this are in loving stable relationships.  Which is kind of a double slap to the face.  What do they know about heartbreak and rejection? Going home to be greeted by the blank four walls which do not greet you back nor wipe away your tears?

Not only do you have to suffer but you have to do it graciously; no resentment, anger, swearing, screaming, pulling of hair, smashing of plates.  Just meditate, breathe in breathe out and thank God for caring about you so much to send you these precious lessons.  Be still and contemplate what you can learn from all this.  It will make you stronger, after all, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  Whoever coined that phrase should be shot!

Ah appreciate all that you had cos now you have lost it all.  But never mind, be positive, for then you can achieve anything and be anyone you want to be. Accept.  This is how it is not how it should be.  Live in the moment, breathe in breathe out.  To be born is to suffer.  All attachment bring pain.

If one more person tells me to be positive and to love myself I am going to scream at the top of my voice and I don’t care if the men in white with the designer fitted jackets cart me off.

About cho wan yau

Teacher by day poet/writer by night. Words have been my first love and will be my last. As a child I locked myself into the toilet devouring books which transported me to distant lands. Poetry shared penned from 2009-2010 in a titanic struggle to stay sane at Heartbreak Hotel. Please check it out on chowanyau@wordpress.com. Any comments or feedback welcome. Why not share your story with me, because we all have one, don't we?

Posted on February 13, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. It is so “Oprah”, isn’t it?
    Love yourself, be positive, bla bla bla!

    Sometimes you just wanna scream “HOW???”

  2. I saw a Facebook “share” Don’t know how to link it here. The words were:

    “DEJA POO: the feeling that you’ve heard this crap before”

    Here’s to a good scream!

    • Well yeah if we could just tell ourselves to be positive nobody would suffer depression; instead WHO tells us that 1 in 4 will suffer it at some point in their lives that is close to cancer 1 in 3. Yet a lot more money is spent on finding a cure for cancer rather than delving into why depression is so prevalent and what can be done to prevent it in the first place.

      • No cute answers from me. What works for me works for me. Has no relevance other than “pull yourself together” to anyone else.

        Tell you what though – the bottom of the black hole is a very dark and lonely place. No mirrors. No comforting words. And no oomph to even think of looking up to see if there is light. Its like a total energy zapper.

        So not cute answers. Just me being me. And you being you..

  3. When the ex hit the road, I bitched and cussed and cried to every friend I had for a long time. I also had recurring dreams, for months at a time, of killing him in bloody fashion. Those sent me in search of therapy. All this over a guy who made me crazy that I was decidedly better off without anyway. If I’d been crazy happy and in love, I’d probably be in jail right now with a couple of people in the morgue.
    We all have to go through whatever we have to go through for however long, until we stop wanting to be homicidal. Anyone who can’t handle that should just f–k off. That’s my two cents….

  4. Couldn’t have said it better myself lady. And those who really love you will just have to bear and grin it and hear you regurgitate and rant and rave and cry like Jekyll and Hyde till you get rid of it from your system. Only you can decide enough is enough and what a waste of time and energy; now it is time to get on with the business of living. And the jerk wasn’t worth all the angst, otherwise you’d still be together and happy, right?

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