Why make it public?

A friend read the ‘Closure’ post and asked why I chose to make it public and what this says about me.  The answer is very simple.  I have been sharing my emotional journey of healing from the start.  I wanted others to celebrate with me the fact that in my head and heart I had made a huge leap, from blame and victimhood to owning responsibility for my part in the tragedy.  If you had seen or heard me five years ago, you would hard believe the transformation and breakthrough.  It is also a vital part of the process of acceptance and letting go. 

It begs the question, why make anything public?  Why blog, why post your status on fb, why tweet?  Why invite friends and family to witness your wedding?  After all marriage and that commitment to be part of each other’s life from this time forth is between you two, why make it public?  Why go to AA meetings, stand up, introduce yourself and admit in front of strangers that you have a problem with alcohol?

My question is why not?  I have nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to hide.  Yes I want a pat on the back, a high five.  I also want to share with those experiencing heartache and breakups now that however long it takes and how deeply you feel hurt, you will be able to forgiveness and get beyond the anger, sadness and sense of tremendous loss.  The scar will remain, you can’t pretend it never happened, that you suffered great pain but you can grieve, let it go and begin anew.  A sequel.  My birth, childhood, formative years were the prologue, marriage, depression, cancer, recurrence, separation, divorce, depression, struggles the main chapter and Shiny New Life in HK the sequel.  Not just another chapter but a brand new book which carries on the story but has a happy ending. 

It is our life, it is up to us to write the script, the plot, which characters to include or cut.  We can change tragedy to a comedy.  We get to decide the ending because we are the writer, producer, director and protagonist.  Such power.  Make it a good one.  One worth living and sharing.

Rescue Mission

An old dear friend has taken it upon himself to launch a ‘Save Mama G’ rescue.  Apart from throwing gems of wisdom my way, he has a friend lined up to do a complete makeover.  This is to get me back on the horse and on track for my shiny new life. Maybe he’s fed up of hearing tales of woe and me crying in public.  Maybe he doesn’t want to be mistaken for a bastard!  Who knows?

The Mission is to get me looking like the Tuition Queens featured in huge posters on buses.  Young, confident, smiley beautiful faces with credentials who could give celebrities a run for their money.  Looks and brains, who can resist?  I’d hate to tell the friend I may be past it, that this is Mission Impossible; but being an eternal optimist she’s going to give it a damn go. 

So next week we are going to shop for on the pulse professional gear.  Looking the part is all important in Hong Kong.  You can be casual but it has to be subtly smart casual.  It is a very shallow society and to succeed you have to play the game.  A haircut is urgent too as are facials.  I told her I am having them already and she looked dubious.  Are they not working?  Have I been conned???  I paid good money.

So the damsel in distress is to be rescued from the tower while the fire breathing dragon is keeping watch.  Will it be successful?  Watch this space.  Bless their little cotton socks.

However I am gutted as she thought I was over 55.  No one but no one has ever told me I look older than my age.  I am surprised she didn’t suggest a face lift, not that I can afford one.  I have even been told I look 10 years younger and no scalpels were hurt in the process.

Now you’ll have to excuse me, I am just going to jump off the nearest skyscraper.  It was nice knowing you.  Mama G. Over and out, for the last time …Please no flowers to the funeral home but donations to the Rescue Mama G. Foundation will be most welcome.